dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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