If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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