bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
