You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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