Duck Duck Cougar?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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