Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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