awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
