watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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