God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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