He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize