Tell her she can't have a vagina
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
