how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
