she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
