Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
