ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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