Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
