i think my mom watched the whole time
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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