I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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