Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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