Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize