Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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