No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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