Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
