I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
