Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
