My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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