First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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