You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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