she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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