Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
