can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
