i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
