can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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