I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize