After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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