Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
