3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
