don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize