I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
