Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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