The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
