and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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