K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
