i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
