I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
