did you get engaged???
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
