Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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