Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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