kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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