sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
