How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
