I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize