all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
