I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
