The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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