finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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