He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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