So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
