you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
