How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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