it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
