And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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